Are you the only one who is always going out of your way to make plans or do something for a friend or partner? Or have you ever approached someone excitedly only for them to shoot you down or seem less than enthusiastic interacting with you? This happens to many of us, whether in relationships, friendships, or even at work.

It can feel really bad when someone doesn’t reciprocate your energy or put as much effort into maintaining a friendship or a relationship with you as you do. It can drain your energy, kill your mood and result in insecurities and self-esteem issues. When your energy is not returned, you could start asking yourself questions like, am I boring? Am I asking for too much? Am I not worth it? Why is my energy never reciprocated?

If you are at a loss about what to do when someone doesn’t reciprocate your energy, this post has you covered. Read on to find out how you can deal with people who don’t return the same energy you give them.


5 Things to Do When Someone Doesn’t Reciprocate Your Energy

  1. Read the signs and act accordingly

Not everyone wants to be your friend, and they might be too polite to tell you this outright. When someone doesn’t put much energy into being with you or interacting with you, they are probably trying to show you they aren’t interested in you or that they don’t want your company or friendship.

If you are trying to become friends or start a relationship with someone, but they never make plans, are always busy, sound less than enthusiastic about meeting up, or never return your calls and texts on time, start reading these signs and back away. You wouldn’t want a one-sided friendship or relationship, would you?

READ ALSO: How to Keep More Good Friends in Your Life

  1. Match their energy

Why should you be the only one who gives 100% of yourself to people, while they only give you 50% or less? For instance, when you are always the first to text, make plans to hang out, give presents, carry the conversation, or are always there for someone, but you rarely ever get anything from them. This can drain you emotionally, physically, and mentally.

It’s time to start giving people the same energy they give you to avoid being taken advantage of or becoming resentful in the long run. If a person barely puts in any effort, match their energy. You shouldn’t be the only one who is all in and doing everything for someone. Reciprocating the same energy you receive from people does not mean your are being petty or playing tit for tat, but it is simply an act of self-preservation. Any relationship is a two-way street and requires effort from both sides to survive.

When someone doesn’t reciprocate your energy, follow their lead and take your power back. If they won’t return your text or calls, don’t be too fast to text or call them either. When they are being distant, back away as well. You deserve someone who gives as much as they take.

READ ALSO: 11 Types of Toxic Friends: Signs and How to Deal with Them

  1. Rethink your expectations

Sometimes, our expectations of others are what lead us to disappointments. We expect too much from people, especially friends, and sometimes they are just not as passionate or caring as we are, or we aren’t at the top of their priority list. Remember that your friends also have their own lives and issues they could be dealing with, and that is probably, why they are not as fast at responding to your texts or at your beck and call when you need them.

Rethink what you expect from people and adjust your expectations. If they really have no malicious reasons for not returning your energy and it’s just that life got in the way, give them space and be an understanding person…up to a point.

If this friend never reciprocates your energy, and it becomes the norm, you might need to reorganize your friends’ list so they aren’t your go-to person anymore or look for more supportive friends who will be there when you need them. After all, why should you have to accept breadcrumbs when you are worth an entire buffet?

READ ALSO: 12 Easy Ways to Get Your Shit Together Starting Now

  1. Invest your energy in yourself

If you are the only one who is always prioritizing someone and giving 100% of yourself to them while getting nothing in return, not only are they using you, but you might also lose yourself in the process. Don’t wait for someone to use up all your energy and make you lose sight of your worth, but instead, learn to start putting yourself first and valuing yourself more.

When someone doesn’t reciprocate your energy, you need to take a step back to evaluate your friendship/relationship and whether they are worth as much as you put into them. If not, reclaim your life, dignity, and self-respect by setting boundaries, rediscovering what makes you happy, setting goals for your life, and cutting off toxic relationships and friendships. You deserve more, and you know it, so don’t settle for less.

READ ALSO: 5 Best Ways to Invest in Yourself for a Better Future

  1. Stay away from them

People who don’t return your energy are energy vampires and mood killers, and avoiding them is the best way to deal with them. Your mood is usually affected by those you interact and surround yourself with; thus, after interacting with someone who doesn’t reciprocate your energy, you could have a low mood or feel exhausted.

Furthermore, when a person doesn’t reciprocate the same energy you give them, they could make you question yourself even when you haven’t done anything wrong and wonder whether you are good enough or if you are boring. You don’t need this negativity in your life, hence you should limit interactions with people who don’t reciprocate your energy.

READ ALSO: How to Build Self-Confidence and Unlock Your Superpower

Wrapping Up

Successful relationships and friendships are about give and take. This doesn’t mean, give 100% and get 20% in return; it means giving as much as you take. The more you give of yourself, the more you empty your energy bank. When someone doesn’t reciprocate your energy, your energy bank is bound to run out eventually, and you won’t have any energy for yourself either.

Learn to recognize when your energy is not being reciprocated and talk to your partner or friend about it. If they do not change, remove yourself from that situation. All relationships require effort from both sides in order to work, so don’t let anyone take advantage of you by letting you do all the work to maintain a friendship or relationship with them. You deserve to receive as much energy as you are giving.

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21 thoughts on “5 Things to Do When Someone Doesn’t Reciprocate Your Energy

  1. Friendship is not bondage to expectations . There is a free to and fro flow of energy between berwen two friends . When positive vibes are not felt then certsinly there is s need to rethink and maybe move on.
    Stay blessed Sheri.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Very true! Having high expectations of our friends only leads to frustration and sets us up for disappointment because people rarely live up to them. If you are not willing to put up with what they can offer, cut your losses and move on.
      Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Jas! Stay blessed too🙏


  2. I agree with Jas. You certainly do not need an energy robber who will drain you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Sometimes you have to recognize when it’s time to take a step back or a step away. Good post Sheri! 👏🏼💐🤗

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I have kept friends in the past that weren’t good for me because I was afraid of not having any but now I see the importance of reciprocation. When you put a lot of energy into your friendships you deserve to have someone that does the same!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! We deserve as much energy as we give!
      I have experienced this too when I used to be a people-pleaser – I still struggle with it sometimes. Knowing my worth and getting rid of these kinds of friends was the best thing I ever did. Thank you so much for reading, Olivia❤


    1. At least you make an effort. It’s really challenging to stay connected with old friends as we grow older because our responsibilities increase and the directions of our lives change. It is understandable if you don’t have as much time and energy to keep up with as many friends as you had when younger.
      But I think it can be better now too because you keep fewer but closer friends who probably are going through the same things you are; hence are more understanding when you/they aren’t 100% available. That’s where rethinking the expectations we have of our friends comes in. Thank you so much for reading, Jamie❤

      Liked by 1 person

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