Many men already make a lot of mistakes when dating women, but they make even more when dating one who is a feminist. Feminism is a set of ideologies and movements that advocates for equal rights and opportunities for both sexes.
Unfortunately, some men are afraid of dating a feminist, probably because they feel intimidated by them or have a bad image of what feminism means. However, it is not that difficult to be in a relationship with a feminist. You just have to learn more about feminism, get to understand the woman you are interested in better and why she is advocating for it, and if you can, become a feminist as well.
Since you are here, you are probably interested in dating someone you know is a feminist, and you want to avoid making mistakes but at the same time not walk on eggshells around her during the entire relationship. Below are some tips on how you can avoid making mistakes when dating a feminist.
How to Avoid Making Mistakes When Dating a Feminist
- Recognize that her thoughts matter
If you want to understand a woman better, listen to her thoughts on various topics. You will learn new things from her that you might never have noticed or paid much attention to before because you have male privilege. For example, how differently the genders have been treated over the years, the reality of the gender pay gap, or how one of your favorite movies or books is sexist. And it is not just about serious topics.
If you want to learn how to avoid making mistakes when dating a feminist, one thing you must know is that she just wants to be heard and to know that her thoughts and opinions matter.
On the other hand, don’t be afraid to air your views on the topic you are discussing as well, but avoid being judgmental or trying to mansplain things. Respectful dialogue is a fundamental aspect of feminism.
- Respect other women
It is not uncommon for people to talk about their exes during their first date. However, talking about them can reveal details about the personality and character of a person. If you are dating a feminist and the conversation somehow ends up on this topic, avoid talking badly about your exes or calling them ‘crazy’. Doing so might be interpreted to mean that you never take responsibility for your actions, you are a misogynist, or you don’t like it when people express their feelings.
Since you are learning how to avoid mistakes when dating a feminist, you will have to start paying closer attention to how you treat other women, not just her. You will be making a mistake if you talk to or about other females disrespectfully.
- Let her pay for things if she wants to
It is wrong for you to assume that you are supposed to pay for everything when you are dating a feminist. We are in the 21st century and women work and earn salaries. So, if you go out on a date and she wants to pay for dinner, then let her pay. That’s a good thing for you as well because you get to save some money.
If she prefers to pay or split the bill, then just go with it. It is also okay if you want to pay the bill for the sake of doing something nice and not just because she is a woman.
- Know the basics of feminism
When dating a feminist, don’t ask her stupid questions such as ‘Do you hate men?’ whether as a joke or seriously. She surely must have heard that question numerous times before, and you will only appear unfunny and ignorant. Learn how to avoid making such mistakes when dating a feminist by researching and educating yourself on the history of feminism so that you do not say unwitty statements that make you sound like a jerk.
- Expect some surprises
It is okay to hold the door for her or help her into her coat. However, if you are dating a feminist, do not be surprised if she does the same for you as an act of politeness. She believes in the equality of both genders and so she can do the same things you do.
- Don’t push it
Feminism is all about equality, but you can still show some kind gestures, such as making sure she gets home safely after your date. When dating a feminist, walking her to her car or her door is fine, but if she says she is okay to do it by herself don’t insist. If she believes she’s capable of doing something by herself, then let her do it. When she needs your help with something, she will tell you, but otherwise, don’t push it.
- Don’t be afraid to follow up
At the end of the date, share your thoughts about how it was without being afraid of hurting her feelings. Most feminists appreciate honesty even when it hurts. So, if you didn’t like the date and don’t want a repeat, tell her. If the date didn’t go well on her part and she voices it, respect her feelings if she doesn’t want to go out with you again.
If it went well for both of you and a second date is very likely, don’t spoil it by doing something shitty like asking her for nude pictures, sending unsolicited pictures, or pressuring her to have sex.
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- Don’t be intimidated by her achievements
Most men usually feel threatened by successful feminist women and label them as too much or try to make them feel less than they are. Don’t be one of these types of men. Avoid making this mistake when dating a feminist by being supportive and proud of her achievements.
- Do not use pet names
This is one of the mistakes to avoid when dating a feminist because most of them detest pet names. In the early stages of your relationship, or perhaps ever, a feminist will not appreciate being called ‘sweet cheeks,’ ‘baby doll,’ or whichever other pet names you might come up with.
Most pet names are not cute or funny and are old-fashioned, demeaning, or patronizing. However, after dating a feminist for a while, some of these names could be okay. But don’t just presume to know when it is okay to start using them because that depends on the woman you are dating and the names she likes or if she even likes any of them.
Dating a feminist is not as difficult as most people think it is. You only need to be aware that you are dating someone who believes in something and has values you have to respect. If you understand this and avoid making the mistakes above, dating a feminist will be smooth. And you might even become a feminist as well. After all, what is so bad about supporting women who only want to be treated equally? There is no need for you to walk on eggshells around her or watch everything you say or do too much. Feminism is about equal opportunities for both sexes and not about female domination.
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