Men already mess up a lot in their relationships with women, but they make even more mistakes when dating one who is a feminist. Some men even fear dating a feminist; probably because they are intimidated by them or have the wrong idea of what feminism means.
Feminism is a set of ideologies and movements that advocates for equal rights and opportunities for men and women. It is not about hating men or being above them as some people think. And it is not that difficult to be in a relationship with a feminist. You just have to learn more about feminism, get to understand the woman you are interested in better and why she is advocating for it, and if you can, become a feminist as well.
Since you are here reading this, you are probably interested in dating a feminist, and you want to avoid making mistakes, but at the same time not walk on eggshells around her during the entire relationship. This article shall provide some tips on how to avoid making mistakes when dating a feminist. Read on…
How to Avoid Making Mistakes When Dating a Feminist
- Listen to her
When trying to know and understand a woman better, you have to listen to her when she talks and get her views on various topics. You may discover things you probably never paid much attention to before because you have male privilege. For example, how and when the genders are usually treated differently, the reality of the gender pay gap, or how a particular movie or book is sexist. And it is not just about serious topics.
If you want to learn how to avoid making mistakes when dating a feminist, one thing you must know is that she just wants to be heard and to know that her thoughts and opinions matter.
On the other hand, don’t be afraid to air your views on the topic you are discussing as well, but avoid being judgmental or trying to mansplain things. Respectful dialogue is a fundamental aspect of feminism.
- Treat other women well
While on the first date, many people often talk about their previous relationships. But this may be where you make mistakes while dating a feminist because discussing your exes could expose your personality and character.
If you are dating a feminist and somehow the conversation ends up on this topic, avoid talking badly about your exes or saying they were ‘crazy’. If you do, your date may think that this means you never take responsibility for your actions, you are a misogynist, or you don’t like it when people express their feelings.
Since you are learning how to avoid mistakes when dating a feminist, you have to start respecting other women, not just her. Your date will be watching how you treat other women, and it will affect her decisions regarding your relationship. So, don’t make the mistake of disrespecting any woman you meet or talk about, no matter your past or her age, appearance, and social status.
- Let her pay for things if she wants to
Assuming that you should pay for everything when dating a feminist is a mistake. We are in the 21st century where women have jobs and they earn money. So, if you are out on a date and she offers to pay for dinner, don’t feel emasculated or start drama over it. Allow her to pay. If she wants to split the bill, that’s okay too.
- Educate yourself about feminism
When dating a feminist, never make the mistake of asking her questions such as ‘Do you hate men?‘ or ‘Do you want to be a man?’ whether as a joke or seriously. You will only appear unfunny and ignorant. How often do you think people ask her dumb questions about feminism?
Learn how to avoid making such mistakes when dating a feminist by researching and educating yourself on everything about feminism. When you know the basics, you will understand her better and you can have deep discussions on the topic instead of saying ignorant statements that could cost you a relationship.
- Expect some surprises
You are probably used to holding the door, pulling out chairs, or helping the woman you are dating into her coat. However, if you are dating a feminist, do not be surprised or irritated if she does the same for you while trying to be polite. She believes in gender equality, thus she knows she can do what men can.
- Don’t insist
Her being a feminist doesn’t mean you can’t do some kind gestures, such as taking her home or calling to ensure she arrived home safely. Escorting her to her car or her door is also okay.
However, if you are dating a feminist and she tells you that she is okay to do things alone, don’t make the mistake of undermining her and insisting. When she needs your help with something, she will tell you, but otherwise, don’t push it.
- It’s okay to follow up
When the date is over, give her feedback about it without fear that you will hurt her feelings. Most feminists love it when someone is honest, even if the feedback is negative. So, if you didn’t like your date and don’t want to go on a second one, let her know.
If she didn’t like the date, and she tells you, accept and respect her decision to not go out again. If you both liked it and want to continue dating, don’t make the mistake of requesting nudes, sending unsolicited pictures, or pressuring her to have sex.
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- Don’t be intimidated by her achievements
Many men usually feel intimidated by successful feminist women because to them, women shouldn’t have so much power. They may also assume that such women have a bad attitude and look down on men.
When less successful men date successful feminist women, they may feel threatened and inadequate, and thus they could make the mistake of trying to belittle them and their accomplishments.
Don’t be one of these types of men. Avoid making this mistake when dating a feminist by being supportive and proud of her achievements, even if she is more successful.
- Ditch the pet names
You probably like using pet names to show affection, but using them is one of the common mistakes to avoid when dating a feminist because most detest them. Many pet names are not cute or funny and some are old-fashioned, demeaning, or patronizing.
For example, a feminist will very likely not love pet names such as ‘sweet cheeks,’ ‘baby doll,’ or whichever other ‘cute’ names you might come up with when your relationship is new.
However, after dating a feminist for some time, some pet names may be fine to use. But don’t just presume to know when it is okay to start using them. That depends on the woman you are dating, the pet names she likes, or if she even likes any of them.
As you can see, dating a feminist is not as difficult as most people think it is. You only need to respect her and her opinions and understand that she upholds strong beliefs and values. If you do this and avoid making the mistakes above, dating a feminist will be smooth. You might even become a feminist as well! After all, what is so bad about supporting women and wanting them to be treated equally?
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